Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Duke Nukum{AKA Duke Nukem) Episode 1: "Shrapnel City" Long Play

So I've been trying to get OBS to capture DosBox properly for days with varying results, this is a byproduct of that when this morning I said screw it and decided to try recording a different game then the one I was

Sunday, August 28, 2016

A rambling on fear


I'd like to say that I thought long and hard about what my first post should be, but that would be a lie the truth is its 4am I haven't slept and I already feel like this is a mistake. I'm probably not well suited to this not only because of my stream-of-consciousness writing style, my frequent use of run on sentences, and the fact Ignore the rules of grammar despite knowing them. I find my head drifting from one thing to the next always feeling heavier and heavier, so I'm going to talk about something I am very familiar with, fear, fear is the response to the perception of danger, whether that danger is real or not is pretty irrelevant to the subject in my opinion, what we believe is dangerous however is, what I fear is mostly being misunderstood to the point that I no longer understand how people will react to me and can't even attempt act accordingly, to be more precise it's social anxiety to the nth degree. but if I think about it further I fear how people react to their own fears, truly nothing to fear but fear itself, that phrase has baffled me my entire life fear in its entirety is the root cause of so many actions people take whether they admit or not, fear is the great motivator of many a thing, so fear is a major power in life and should be feared and respected, most of what I see both personally and otherwise claims to reward a lack of fear or respect of fear in this case, I'm not saying we shouldn't try and over come the debilitating ones like mine I mentioned earlier, but more along the lines of ones that keep us grounded in reality, take highways for example everyone speeds this is a fact and people accept it and follow suit but why? is it because people don't understand the consequences? no they understand it all to well being pelted with horror stories from the news and even rubbernecking at wrecks, it's so close to you at all times that it loses meaning, that line between what we consider brave and what we consider stupid is the respect of fear, and that's what happens on the road you lose your respect for it and thumb your nose at for bugging you and restricting you, and we are addicted to that rush the moment that toxic haze of oppression lifts and you feel alive until something inevitable brings you down and out of that state, since I am using this example of not respecting it potentially leading to a bad end you probably assume I think we should all be meek and frightened, no not at all
while you shouldn't speed for obvious reasons and acting irresponsibly is bad whats worse is the toxic haze I mentioned now you probably think I meant it as applying only to words of warning in general but not so while fear with respectability is a bitter pill to swallow no doubt it is still a medicine that cures what ails ya, can't seem to stop yourself from putting your hand in that fire a bit of fear and no more burns, you keep trusting strangers that abuse your generosity a dab of fear will do you, just small practical doses, but that haze that's fear of a different color, its a manufactured fear that never lets up, and its like the world is a giant paper bag filled with lacquer that keeps us dizzy and confused, I'm not going to go all conspiracy nut fruit cake on you but some is intended to keep us more docile, but we do most of it to ourselves by putting it in a giant game of telephone where we go I think that person did something even though I'm not sure, to sharing it with the neighbors which becomes a baseless rumor about a family or small community, then some random aspect of one their existence becomes the next tell tale sign that ends up being told to authority who makes a pamphlet and distributes them, the media catches wind of it polarize those who think its true and and those who don't keeping the idea that you have enemies who disagree with you in the public consciousness making you afraid without any respect for fear's actual purpose of keeping you from doing something that is logically a bad idea, and you're so full of all this poison that you can no longer tell what an actual purposeful fear is like, and so another person speeds going 80 in 65 lowering the odds of everyone in the vicinity's survival just a tiny bit, now that is scary.